Why Saying No Can Be The Ultimate Self-care

Overcommitting to people and tasks will cause you pressure and drain you physically and emotionally

Clinical psychologist Jacqui Maguire says one small word could be your best ally: no.

“A confident ‘no’ is an effective form of self-care, it places you in the driver’s seat to create a life that is meaningful and on your own terms,” she says.

Imagine you have been invited by a friend to attend an art exhibition this Friday night.

Maguire suggests it’s best to pause and take a breath before asking yourself: ‘Will accepting this invitation add value to my life? Does it align with what’s important to me?’

If the answer is yes, Maguire says ‘go for it’. Developing your friendships and experiencing more that your city has to offer may have been your personal goals this year. This invitation meets both of those targets.

However, if the answer is no, then you need to say no.

Maguire has three tips for saying no:

1. Be clear and respectful, always. Thanks so much for the offer, but I’m not going to be able to come.
   
   
2. If you want to, offer an explanation. Our family spends time together on Fridays. We have a scheduled games night.
   
   
3. If you want to, offer an alternate. Could we do Sunday morning instead?

“Understanding what prevents you from confidently saying no easily, and practising the strategies above, will help you build a sense of control over your time and behaviour,” she says. “As long as we are clear and respectful, it is helpful to remember that people are able to tolerate a ‘no’. Removing the burden of automatically pleasing others whilst overlooking our own wishes will lead to enhanced relationships, self-esteem and life satisfaction.”