In it together: Staying on top of your wellbeing when life gets too busy

With four young children, a home to renovate and busy work lives, it’s no wonder things can sometimes feel a little overwhelming for Alice and Caleb Pearson.

The property gurus haven’t slowed down since their win on The Block NZ in 2013, and whether it’s welcoming new babies, doing up houses, or buying and selling homes, life couldn’t be busier.

But with a background in pastoral care, Alice is finely tuned to the wellbeing of her family and she’s learnt a lot along the way about looking after herself and others. Being open and honest about mental health is her number one rule for getting through life’s challenges.

“The first step in dealing with your wellness is just being okay with the fact that sometimes you’re not doing okay. It’s important to be really kind to yourself and have a lot of grace for yourself, because there are situations that are stressful or that cause anxiety, and that’s life. So the first step is acknowledging the reality of, ‘Okay, this is hard and I’m not handling it too well.’”

Alice and Caleb, who married 12 years ago, have become good at communicating about their feelings, and are sensitive to the signs that the other might be struggling.

Alice, who is usually an optimistic and positive person, says she knows she’s feeling the pressure when negative thoughts creep in. Caleb, who is usually relaxed and laid back, knows the stress is getting to him when he becomes short tempered or grumpy.

He explains, “I think you notice something is going on when there’s a change in your normal personality. When I am stressed I tend to respond to things in a way that’s not usual for me. I might talk to the kids in a way I wouldn’t like to, or to Alice. I might not be as kind as I would like to be.”

Sleeping and eating habits can also change for both, which can be warning signs that their partner may need some extra support.

Caleb says it’s easy for people to feel they have to carry everything on their own, but sharing a problem is the absolute best place to start.

“There’s a huge benefit to being vulnerable. It’s important to have someone you trust and can be open with, who won’t judge you, but will be there to respect and love you and help you through.”

Alice suggests that naming feelings and talking about them can be helpful in overcoming tough times and says it’s important to remember there is not always a clear solution. Listening to your partner is sometimes the greatest help.

“There’s a lot of power and a lot of release when you bring language to the way that you are feeling. Communicating exactly how something makes me feel brings a whole lot of awareness and puts the feelings out there so that we can deal with them and work with them. Sometimes we just need to be heard, rather than fixed.”